nat's dinosaur exhibit


i haven't a good idea what else to talk about. even if there still has yet to be snow and it's already the new year, i'm still happy for the calendar switch in a way that i don't think i ever have been. despite never having held much stock in the new year, it is a meaningful separation, one that feels like it properly places you in time, in a place, and more often than not simply a different state of mind. this paragraph is new year = new me in so many words.

the only points i've been focusing on as of late—since my thanksgiving post—is just in feeling more secure about what i want to do creatively. hopefully this is something i plan on expanding upon in video form soon, but it's all been painfully slow for me my entire life, creatively. the rest of my time has simply been spent watching, being with family and friends (itself in a new, more natural perspective i love for me), focusing on real job prospects, and finally going through with the change of universities i've spent the whole time at my current one dreaming about. it only took so long.

there's nothing abjectly bad, no feeling of malaise when on this current campus—but since the beginning, visiting both it and the has yet to be confirmed future campus in the throws of early 2021 had some kind of effect on my image of me and it, and of how i had been told about experiences at both. it was only this late i realized that exactly what made each was more malleable than tofu; the 'outpouring of support' from my current was instead empty, and every earlier-declared negative of the other outright denied by the friend(s) who chose it from the start. at least i saw it at some point—and i can still live in exactly the place that feels right to me right now. and besides, even if it extends my time at uni, i both don't mind; i'm already the youngest in my class, and i have plenty of room to readjust.

on a more online note, the one thing i made in the last month of this past year, the ep i made of what is essentially found sounds from voice memos of my piano playing, was something i'm genuinely happy about. i don't think it's all that good though—in fact, it's a little trite and certainly minimal, and more emblematic not of me, but of a eulogy for a different me. it was purely a leaf-turning procedure, the act of arranging those clips so simple as to be kind of wry; i have a lot of pent-up feelings surrounding who i thought i was then, and there's a lot of inner thoughts i had both then and now that certainly show themselves to me in that ep. but it is still just piano from someone never properly trained, the meaning not found in the quality of sound... at least yet.

i'm glad i have a drive towards truly learning what music production should be to me, especially because i feel like it is an endeavor for the sake of finding something new in music instead of imitation to learn. but that ep is still just an initial outlet and a starting point; by sorting through everything i've ever saved, and that which has survived hard drive deaths in the past, and finding those recordings as the best of a younger me, there's a lot easier of a push to keep working for it, to keep learning and evolving in a very choice outlet of mine—besides, i've already begun.

last day of dog- and cat-sitting though, which has taken me from xmas to this year in a blink; they've been good :>