this one has been delayed for a while—as ideally i'd like to write every monday, to have something come up and writhe around with and feel drawn towards. but there's that net i keep getting caught in, the same one that has kept me from consistently working and growing towards doing what i've always wanted. and unfortunately, there is more than one net. there's just something about me that keeps me tied down, and despite being able to recognize it, i'm still spiteful. i have grown a lot, but i still don't know how to untangle it quite well enough.
i did surprise myself earlier this month with being able to sit down for lengthy periods and work on music, even if it is the kind of music that doesn't feel quite like me yet; i can't possibly perform alongside it. it sounds pretty good, and i'm sure it'll end up on some snippet i find a place for on my main website, bandcamp, soundcloud, whatever. it's just ear candy right now, so i'm hoping that any next steps are taken in a more completely me kind of way. it's impossible to be new, but i can bend things towards me a bit.
and on a more lighthearted note, i'm planning on watching poor things in theatres soon, which i'm looking forward to simply for the sake of enjoying a movie i'm completely blind to with a friend; i don't think i've ever had that experience before, especially not as who i am now, and it's exciting. it was very sudden planning, just the way i like it.
i'm hoping to formally review a bit more too, even if i have doubts about how far i want to take it. it's a relatively decent creative outlet for me, and it makes my writing feel more intentional, despite how dense and meaninglessly light some of it comes off firsthand. maybe the looseness of this is a bit more freeing, but for the time being i'm glad i have both. i just need to balance it all with more uniquely freeing artistic expression, i.e. actually making stuff instead of talking about other stuff. hard fight, but worth it for me, is i think what i'm wanting to get at.
also, anyone reading this far should listen to amygdala by ecco2k & bladee. been on my mind since i first heard it, and it feels like me right now :>